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Chats With Chi

Talking about life and Ish…

We all need a lil banter

Wagwan mandem!!!

I feel like its all getting a bit too serious lately; I used to wonder when I was young why adults where always so serious! I now understand that sometimes trying to be adult is boring, stressful and headache most of the time. I’ve been taking myself to seriously and over thinking to the point of no return. I’m already at a crossroads career wise and not too sure which way to head and I have been seriously considering my options as well as making harsh judgement on everything I do, say, write and eat! It’s getting a lil too much – I need to have some fun!

Society will always be there to kill everyone’s hype, but I need to remember that I am only 21 (even though I feel like I’m 40) and life is meant to be fun! Work does not equal my life, I have to do it to get by but It’s not who I am. I get bored very quickly and I hope it won’t keep me from finding a job that suits me! I don’t want to be that person who has done about 30 different jobs and still hasn’t found one they actually enjoy! I want to enjoy what I do, I want to wake up buzzing to go to work… is that too much to ask?

Being with people makes me smile, working in a vibrant team, creating awesome original content, having a laugh and  we are helping people is what I really enjoy! If anyone has any ideas please holla at me! I’m done with being to serious, I want to laugh till my sides hurt, I want to be mentally stimulated and I want others to be made happy!

We are all very quick to notice the negative in anything and sometimes we need to take a step back and question what we want our lives to look like. The news is ever ready to tell of us of all the terrible things that are happening in the world, but who wants to make us smile? The negativity has stolen our hope, joy and enjoyment! I love walking into a room and thinking that I really Love everyone here and appreciating everything we have! Society makes us believe that money is what leads to these things but I know most of the happiest people are the poorest!

We all need to lighten up a lil bit, talk to each other more, drink a little, and leave judgement behind!

This post has been more for my benefit than anything, I have public diary and I hope you don’t mind reading it!

Thanks for doing life with chi xxx

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I am the Victoria Line

yoursign

Hello Peeps!

It’s been way too long and I blame grown up life for it all (my default excuse!)

I hope everyone is well and doing the damn thing in 2015! I’ve missed blogging on here – I’ve been doing a lot of it for work but not for myself but I’m back in action which is all that matters.

I have been sucked into the 9-5 vortex and adjusting to it hasn’t been that easy! when I look back to previous blogs about unemployment – I wish I had  treasured my free time, I now fully understand the power of a Friday and I’m jumping on the campaign for a 3 day weekend LOL!

I feel like my morning commute is a metaphor for my life at the moment; the blessed Victoria Line is my muse and I’ll explain why;

  • Overcrowded –  My mind goes at 100 mph on a good day, with hundreds of pointless thoughts and thousands of life questions that may never be answered. I’m always questioning myself and trying to figure out if I’m on the right path career wise, relationship wise and dinner choice wise! I’m questioning who I am in this world, am I gonna get stuck in this rat race forever, am I sure this is what I want to do and it goes on and on and on…
  • Fast – Unlike the Victoria line I won’t reach my destiny quite as fast. This is one of the most frustrating things I have to get over – I’m only 21 and even though I dream BIG… I am an intern and even though I’d like a fast track ticket to being a CEO it just won’t work like that! Hard work and small steps aren’t fun but they are crucial to building essential skills and work ethic! Sometimes you do have to do the dogs body work to understand how to employ the dogs body! One day I will sing drakes lyrics to my children 😉
  • No Personal Space – Everyone is up in my business and vice verso. I don’t think you understand how awkward a tube journey can be at 8am on a weekday, like for real I’m pretty sure I’m that close to some people I can see if they have nits or not! In life right now (I hope it’s not just me) but I’m proper self conscious about most things – what I wear, what I do, what I say, which is really unlike me. I feel like when you start out in this employment life your very aware of how you act and if your doing well! I feel this is due to education and constantly being assessed and now we are not being so harshly critiqued we do it to ourselves. It’s not a terrible thing but I feel like I need to be confident in my abilities and at the same time strive for the best.
  •  On Time – I’m not the best at being on time but I do know that if I miss one tube, another will be along in 2 mins. I need to learn to be on time, (which I am working on) however I also think that I need to also relax a bit, in the same way I trust the tube to turn up every 2 mins so I should trust that experiences in my life that I want to happen will happen in good time. Obviously If I’m heading in the right direction opportunities will arise but if I turn my back that’s when I’ll miss them!

I honestly give huge props to those who have gone before us and paved the way for expensive TFL for all! I joke but really this whole working lark aint easy and I rate my mother who has done it on her own for way too many years – however I do hope for myself and all of you that we won’t get stuck in the vortex but end up making our passions our 9-5’s!

Thanks for doing life with chi xxx

New Dawn.. New Day… New life… I’m feeling good!!

BraceResolution

AIIGHHT!

It is here the time of year were we reflect on what went well, what wasn’t so great and what could be improved. my timelines are gonna be filled with  gigantic statements about where we hope to be next year,  long term goals are set and  making promises to ourselves about  being two sizes smaller are in abundance! These are not stupid aims but we say the same ish every year and 9 times outta 10 they don’t last more than a month.

This year I’ve decided to say goodbye to two things/habits that I don’t want to bring into 2015 and say hello to two new things/habits I will start into 2015! The difference is that I’m going to be realistic whilst remaning  optimistic with these aims. It’s not like because I have made this statement that it will  happen over night and on the 1st of January 2015 my life will look how I want it to. I’m going to be real, a lot of change happened in 2014 -some good some bad. I’ve learnt that time doesn’t run by my standards, change doesn’t happen over night- hard times don’t end when you expect them to. Growing up isn’t easy but learning to cope with what life throws at you is growing up. Money and things can’t bring you satisfaction and  I have learnt the importance in praying and being your own champion.

I want to leave the things that have hurt me in the past where they belong, I want to take what I’ve learnt and move forward. I want to be optimistic, dream big, have a smile on my face what ever the day looks like. I want to laugh with my friends and family, I want to 2015 to give me fantastic stories and experiences. Whatever comes my way 2015  I know I can get through it because I’ve don’t all the years pervious but I am open to the opportunities, lessons and lols of the new year.

I just want to wish everyone who reads this an awesome new year! Let’s continue to be real with each other, support each others pursuits, dream even bigger, make each other laugh and push through every adversity that challenges you this year. We can do it together!! Let’s just chose to be happy,  chose to be less angry, let’s deal with the real stuff in life and let the material just happen!

I’m looking forward to tomorrow, the new year, the new days, literally everyday is a blessing and a  chance to let something new take place.

Thanks for doing life with chi xxx

Ecstasy state of Mind

Life is tough

Life is hard

Life makes you smile

it can also make you cry

but its the journeys that make us who we are.

(And What!!! I’m a bloody poet don’t hate :P).

Recently peeps, life has thrown a lot of poo in my face not literally how ever hilarious that imagery could be! It’s just been hard, I know it’s not just me who feels Le struggle we all have our trials — some more than others. I always aim to  come on here trying to write empowering paragraphs and uplifting verses but sometimes it’s not so easy to take that route. We all need to vent in some shape or  form or an epidemic of imploding Homo sapiens will incur. This is  not a woe is me situation or a pity party it’s just me being open enough with you to share an honest journey through parts of my life. If we can’t be honest with how we are feeling then how can we truly be living?

There is always something waiting to take the wind from underneath you, someone waiting to steal your joy or a circumstance that is just unexplainable and it leaves you feeling lost. Everybody from the richest to the poorest is constantly looking for a way of life or another human being to take you out of the hole in which life puts you in sometimes. I’m generally a very positive, happy-go-lucky idealist who would love to live in a romcom or fairytale setting but reality doesn’t allow it! Hahaha… Reality sucks!! I completely get why people may use happy pills, snort fairy dust and hang out with Mary Jane every now and then… simply to take a rest from the constant upward struggle the real world can be. (Disclaimer before any haters or just general annoying people wanna say something… I am not encouraging  recreational drug abuse. People make choices and that’s them!) Most People use drink to do the same anyway but judgement isn’t passed on them so harshly… just saying!

Anyways, as a generation that claims to be the most social and has generally accepted the fact that racism, sexism and homophobia is bullshit! We spend an awful lot of our time not actually interacting – we’re always busy pretending to talk on whatsapp and snapping pics of our dinner that we’ve lost the art of real communication and formed ourselves an app based reality.What I’m getting at here is that all of us use some sort of tool to give us a break from the crap, from the noise, the confusion basically to leave the mess and find a place where problems don’t exist.

However I’ve been learning that the best instagram filter, the buzz you experience or that amazing night out you had last weekend doesn’t last and reality will ALWAYS hit you like the hangover/ comedown from hell! It just never lasts and none of us want to end up an addict. I’ve been there done that being a temple run addict just takes everything from you and leaves you a lonely mess 😀

THE TRIP:

“I’m just sooooo buzzing”

“oi mate I’m off my tit..”

“ohhmmeguurd I’m pissed”

“this filter makes me look like a puff ting :0”

“let me just go on asos…”

“I’m gonna get to level 12 on flappy bird, come watch me slay these pipes”

“This is THE BEST NIGHT EVER!!!!..screams”

In what ever shape or form you trip in don’t fool yourself that you aren’t in the most gassed head space. Such a level of confidence is expressed, you think you capable of anything… from pulling a hottie to creating a 10 year career plan. No one can tell you anything, Bitch don’t kill my vibe comes to mind. If anyone tries to kill that hype and bring you down you move away. No one can tell you anything, you feel happier, more confident, have better laughs, you like what you look like and enjoy your own thoughts. People start listening to each other in smoking areas, people like my Instagram posts, I’ve got ten new followers on twitter. Whatever it is  life seems legit awesome and you’re unstoppable. Of course we want to feel high on life all the time anyone who says they wouldn’t is a fake.

THE SIDE EFFECTS:

” Oi mate look at that dirty gurn”

” I think I may throw up… In fact I have just mini sicked”

“Brilliant Dan just got kicked out for trying to fight the bloke in the dress”

“I’ll only spend £40.. it’ll be fine”

“I’m just gonna tweet it… I’m brave enough to @ them n all”

“Got 15 likes, let me add two more hashtags to get to 30”

The high is still about, confidence level are still high. Been rejected by 5 girls/guys but you’re not phased, seen a few items you like faved a few sick pieces, danced all night makeup is sweated off – spilt beer on your white tee. But it’s still good. Your willing to ignore all the side effects to keep having  a good time, no matter what the state of your account  in the morning, whatever your face looks like the next day, waking up next to a person way below your standards and even if you get one more like it’ll be worth exposing yourself to the world. You just don’t care because it hasn’t happened yet, why kill the hype for consequences and isn’t that what living in the moment is all about? #yolo #onlygodcanjudgeme #imjustgonnahashtaghowsickiam

THE HANGOVER:

“I’m NEVER drinking again”

“How bloody dare he comment that?”

” I feel Like death”

“I hate my life”

“UGGgghhh…I feel so ugly/fat”

“I have no money for the rest of the month, rent? bills? car?”

“I’m lonely”

ooooooooooohhh here it is again reality! Slapping me up! regretting that dead kebab! feeling sick. meeeeh this headache will be the end of me. no one loves me. I’m back to square one but his time £100 down. Monday is here and I’m not any better, life is still wank!

( Obviously Next Weekend…. this happens all over again!!)

We would never like to look in the mirror and admit that I am an addict, because the connotations of that label are that were not in control of our emotions or behaviours. we don’t like to admit that we are  dependent on anything or anyone to make ourselves feel better. We want to be our own superheroes and it’s always just a bit of fun. However, I think were all kidding ourselves in some way shape or form (excuse my really stereotypical examples earlier) we deny that we are chasing “highs” but really that’s the only way most of us know how to cope with our lives.

If we didn’t have those releases what else would we do to cope? How would we find anyone to turn to? How would we feel less alone or insane? I’m not preaching as I’m Honestly in the same struggle as most of us are out there. We all want to make things better for ourselves but the first place we try to make it better 9 times out of 10 leaves us worse off. We chase the temporary conditional forms of happiness and when we come crashing back down our real worlds feel a lot lower and crapper. It sounds all very dramatic and deep but honestly we crave the drama, we want to live in extremes of emotions. When were down the world feels like its ending but when were high on life nothing can touch us. We read inspiring quotes to make sense of our intent and behaviours, we crave the attention of our friends and followers to get an opinion of our every thought,choice, meal and outfit. We want our plans to happen when we want and we hate waiting for anything. We want to have control of area of our lives and predict where we will end up yet we regularly are losing control and just trying to cope with our day-to-day.

I’m not trying to say that partying is terrible and we should never shop online or restrain from  posting a banging pic on insta, but I’m trying to draw attention to the fact that when we use these things consciously or subconsciously to cope with the harder things in life we distort their purposes. I love a party, like a drink too and asos is a place where some dreams are made loool but I’m learning that these don’t fulfil the things missing in my life. Who I am and what I’m going through cannot be defined by what I wear or what I’m posting on my apps… the drinks I drink and how often I go out won’t help me to understand where I’m going wrong in my life or help me deal with the situations that await me at home. However I do know that meeting people in pubs and bars create amazing stories and help me make amazing friends, Asos will forever sell clothes that I really want but don’t need and these are thing I enjoy to do but I won’t find a real fulfilment in chasing the latest trends or by  trying to get as spangled as possible to try to keep up with the heavyweights. I’m trying to find the healthy balance, and during these harder times as much as I hope to find joy and happiness in these places it won’t ever happen. It’s a momentary bliss that most of the time has consequences but lasting joy and peace aren’t found there.

There must be a happy medium, staying on a false high won’t solve any real issues and the temporary happiness isn’t grounded in anything real or lasting. Spending days dwelling on how hard your life is or how terrible a situation is, is as useless. Chasing highs to cope with reality is a waste of energy and money – which could eventually steal your purpose.   Life is meant to be lived, enduring the hardships, treasuring the highs, learning to get through each hour and accepting that we have little control over our days, weeks, years. Going through this period in life has taught me that everything can change in an instant, nothing is set, but there is always hope.

If I allow myself to be taken under by the waves of life and dwell in them i’ll definitley miss the daily highs that there are bound to be. I am also learning that taking the best parts of the highs and using them in the lows builds sustaining joy. If we took the level of confidence, the “I don’t care what anyone else thinks” attitude in our day-to-day I’m sure we would be happier. There are obviously limits to this confidence and arrogance are two separate things, but through adopting the attitude we have whilst living in the highs in our everyday struggles wouldn’t we be that lil bit happier. It’s obviously not a solution but a theory i’ll try to use in my life, with the help of friends, family and God. I’m sure we can all find the balance, plus I don’t think I could enjoy things as much without a glass of wine.

Thanks for doing life with chi

xxx

Who says?…

“Gen Y the most wanted generation of children in history. Television, movies and school programs have told them they were special from toddlerhood to high school and they believe with a self-confidence that is impressive. Gen Y, unlike the Baby Boomers, are not self-absorbed, they’re self-important. They take it for granted that they’re special, independent, and don’t need to reflect on it.” (Ray Williams July 13, 2014) https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140713132101-1011572-is-gen-y-becoming-the-new-lost-generation?trk=tod-home-art-list-large_0

Hey peeps, I’ve decided to write something a little different today this topic has been running through my mind for a while and I think now its time to address it. I don’t know why now but I’m just gonna go with it… so again, bare with me and I hope it rings true to some of you glorious mandem :p I know nothing I write is novel or original but I feel it needs to be said…so why don’t I say it?!

So I’ve been thinking about my life in general, trying to sort out where I want my career to go and who I dream of becoming and how to get there really. I know when I ask friends and family of what they want to be? Or what are or were there dreams? The older people I’ve asked have seemed to be living completely different lives to what they dreamed of as young adults or teens. I do know, that life throws curve balls at people and there plans and dreams adapt to where life has taken them.

I don’t want to sound naive or idealist but don’t you feel that the most successful people in our world have never given up despite adversity…rent to pay,Netflix subscriptions and tax increases. I feel like our society paints a picture that success can only come if you are a pop artist,athlete, fashion designer or multi-million business owner. But I know that the majority of us don’t have ambitions like that or of that nature, some of us dream of owning our own land, becoming a head teacher or owning your own brand. Why have we decided to rate our success solely on monetary gains- can’t success look different for different people?

In response to the quote, I think there is nothing wrong with our generation feeling self important, we are confident, we have resources that generations before us would never have dreamed of. We have ideas that can actually be put into action,so we shouldn’t let the world/ our society rob us of our dreams? So here is a list of thoughts that I think will benefit anyone  in pursuit of an ambition;

1) Stop apologising for you talents/ambitions/ goals… they are only stupid if you believe so.

2) Don’t make excuses for why not! just get up and go for it.

3) You don’t need a back up plan but you need to be open to alternative routes to get there.

4) Find partners to collar with/ look for inspiration and advice   from others who are further ahead.

5) BELIEVE in yourself

6) Don’t take rejection personally- learn and grow from it!

7) Silly/ easily dismissed dreams are probably the best ones.

8)Trust the timing of your life!

9) Don’t get bored or complacent strive for excitement and challenges.

10) Who says we can’t be all entrepreneurs? we can all  be the leaders of our industries/ projects/ plans. If there isn’t a role in a industry or society  why can’t you create it for yourself!

I don’t want to sound like a preacher… because I’m not but I feel so strongly about people giving up on themselves because the world has forced them to think that way.

But I know personally I don’t want to live my life for anyone else but ME! If that makes me selfish then I guess I am, but I know that at the end of the day I won’t look back and think I’m glad I made money for that big corporation and my days were well spent just scraping by. I think its okay to be selfish with your ambitions and goals, as they are owned by YOU!

Thanks for doing life with chi xxx

Four Minute Chi

four chi

Hello chickens, Hope y’all are good!

So I saw this post that gave me inspiration to write my blog post, it asked:  “If you had only four minutes to describe who you are what would you say?” Which when thinking about it, Im not sure what I would say. I’d have a list of obvious things that most people would say e.g, like to have fun, hang out with friends, have a lil dance and blah blah blah… but to be honest I hope there is much more to me than that but putting it into words isn’t that easy. I tried writing it out but couldn’t really think of where to start, I like to think I’m a person who’s got life on lock but by in large – I’m a bit of a confused being.

So now that I’ve finally been employed and about to start my career, I thought that I’d start feeling a bit more settled and secure with who I am or  where I plan on going… Unfortunately not so much. Bonus, I’ll be increasing my baller status but as for where Im heading no single clue is given. I am aware that I don’t think anybody really gets to a point to where they are fully sure of themselves and their role in society and have met every dream and goal they have ever had, but I would like to feel a little more in control. I feel like from hour to hour I have different life goals, as well as multiple personalities. I change as much as my weave changes.

However, I think the first level of becoming a semi- functional young adult is being comfortable with uncertainty – I may be preaching to the choir of young adults who have come to terms with this, but bare with me I’m just about getting there. I think I’ve already said that I’ve heard your twenties are about being selfish, unsure, brave and exploratory but I kinda wish there was a fast track guide to getting to where you need to be. I know people in there mid 40’s who are still a bit scatty loool! But I would bet money on the fact that at the age of 30 I’ll still be as clueless as I am now but hopefully in a different/better way.

Like I was standing at the bus stop the other day and did that text thing where it lets you know how quick the bus is gonna arrive, and me with my deeply profound thinking 😛 posed that knowing at what time the bus will arrive doesn’t make it come any quicker really… does it?  So because I’m such a deep thinker I was like its a metaphor for life !!!!!( Huge Flipping Brainwave ;D) If I could tell the future and know where I would end up wouldn’t make it happen any quicker or make it anymore exciting.

I am slowly but surely coming to terms with these facts

1) Accept and TRY to enjoy this awkward phase of life.

2) be comfortable with your irratic-ness (Its a word I made it up!!)

3) you don’t need to know who you are, just be truthful with how you feel.

4) your not a millionaire… but you will be one day

5) Buses are wank, especially rail replacement ones

6) comparing yourself to people at different stages of life doesn’t help!

I hope I have made a lil sense, you can tell I think weird and my head is a lil jumbled through reading this but as always ,

Thanks for doing life with chi xxx

F***ing Facebook

blog post 4

Hello lovely people,

It’s been a while – 100% due to laziness (My bad), but I’m back and still unemployed and dealing with day to day boredom.

Summers for me from a young age have been fairly dull, but  I love being busy, doing things, learning things, having fun and hanging with friends thats probably why these past few weeks I have been feeling a lil crappy. I wouldn’t want to label it as depressed as but its the closest emotional state that relates to this current phase in my life. 

(side note!!!) do you know what? FACEBOOK SUCKS!! not that I don’t spend an obscene amount of hours scrolling through my news feed but it takes a lot of self control not to rage with envy looking through posts. My awesome friends and family seem to be having the times of their lives wether it be at a festival, travelling, on holiday or simply a filtered selfie and I’m here in my room, wearing jogging bottoms,look like s****, scrolling the web for entertainment  and not be anymore  cliché I have started writing a blog :D!

I always say if you don’t laugh you’ll cry. I’ve learnt that I’m very good at moaning  I know, I know, in comparison to what is going on in the world I have it pretty damn easy. It’s so easy to get caught in the mindset where you think you’re alone in a particular struggle but when you take a look at the rest of the world my struggles are embarrassing to even mention but at the same time they are mine

“Just have a little patience” is a phrase I hear at least three times a week from various sources of advice, well I’ll tell you now it is not bloody easy to be patient – especially in a world where everything is so fast paced. Being patient is not fun, it does not make you feel good,  but I have this strange feeling that it  has the potential to make you a better person. I couldn’t tell you why…  well it’s probably because I’ve heard that patience is a virtue. Somedays I feel virtues can do one and other days I feel like Gandhi for just being so wonderfully patient with all the situations in my life… ( I joke) but I know there is a needed balance just for the sake of sanity. Its not about being happy or comfortable in a frustrating situation but it’s about  holding on to a lil hope that things WILL change. Im not speaking from a place of employment and baller status, in fact this week I had to sign on for job seekers allowance, not my greatest moment, but a step that thousands of Brits have to go through in their search for work.

Loads of blogs and columns  have plenty of advice on practical steps on combating boredom. Which I have been doing like; trying to work out, getting out of the house, reading, learning a new skill and getting a new hobby, however i feel that  it only  helps with the superficial levels of “unemployment boredom” but the irritation is still there after a run, frustration kicks in after reading a novel and writing a blog post takes up about 2 hours of my day… so what next? I don’t have the answers no body does and I think thats where hope, patience and purpose make an appearance. I aim to make my lifestyle where I  only  work to live and not the other way round. I’ve realised that my want for a job is huge but it also makes me realise how weak we can be without a daily routine and a job. My sole purpose in life cannot be to work a full time job and if I don’t have one i’ll feel worthless and slip into depression. I’m hoping through life i’ll find real purpose, obviously having a job is essential to being able to live economically stable but what else is there? 

Flip me sometimes I don’t realise just how deep I am hahahaha, deffo should have done a degree in philosophy :p

Thanks for doing life with me

xxx

Check Yo-self before you wreck yo-self !!

attitude

 

Recently I have been battling with my attitude. you may assume the type of attitude that is associated with the stereotypical large african american women whose character is  larger than life and tends to  end each statement with a hand clicking gesture. Unfortunately my attitude is not as attractive, its the result of frustration at life. I’ve noticed that i have a tendency to be a tad negative/stroppy – basically I’ve been acting like a 13 year old brat.

People who know me, will be shocked at that statement as I’m typically the life and soul of the party, always laughing and smiling generally chatty and bubbly. However, I think there is a truth when people say you find out who someone really is when you live with them – ask my mum I’m sure she’d have plenty to say :).

With my recent indulgence in orange is the new black, a line from the intro song by Regina Spektor, You’ve Got Time, reads “taking steps is easy, but standing still is hard”. I know I’m not a convict and I’m not incarcerated, but I have had a lot of thinking time being unemployed and bored. One of the biggest reality checks I’ve had has been the power of attitude and perspective. Believe me when I say that, being a neg or Debby downer doesn’t help any situation in life. It’s not been easy to check my attitude, I’ve snapped at the fam a little too often, I’ve sat and thought that my life is going no where, I’ve given up on things, stopped writing my blog posts just because I’ve been in a negative head space, but it  hasn’t eased my frustration its only heightened it.

I’ve adopted this whole “First world Problems” mentality where I like to blame my frustrations on everyone else without taking time out to look at myself. I feel like the most successful people in our world have cracked the code, its all about keeping  positive attitude. It gets to a point where you realise that you cannot affect  things that are not in your control, like the weather or who will hire you;  but you can affect your attitude. Life gets so much easier when you slip into that mentality, if I can positively change my attitude and tackle the problems I can personally effect then the results will naturally come. I’m aware it can sound a bit idealistic but I’d rather be happy in my unemployment than being a grumpy b**ch 😮

 

Thanks for doing life with chi xxx

 

 

 

 

Why didn’t you tell me?

shes-angry-happy-scared-confused

 

So I’ve decided to take on the blog 101 challenge to write freely for twenty minutes and see what I end up with, if this post does reach the world I’m apologising now for the stream of disconnected thoughts that may appear on this post.

If I was to describe in three words my current state of mind it would be , Lost, Bored and Frustrated. No one warns you of the emotional roller coaster you’ll be forced to get on after graduating, I sound like I left university a year ago but its only been about 3 weeks. My sense of time has been distorted, this is the result of spending 4 days in your two bedroom flat watching hours and hours of popular american tv series. My mind feels numb but at the same time my thoughts are racing towards the future, whilst questioning everything in the  present  I have never in my life felt so unstable. Growing up there has always been a fixed next step, but now there is nothing fixed. “The world is your oyster”, “your destiny is your hands”, “There is ample opportunity for someone who is your age”, “Your twenties are the best years of your life”!!! Well to be honest being twenty right now sucks… I’m not used to all this so called freedom- its giving me a headache 😦 .

I don’t know what career is best for  me, I don’t know how to get into said career, what job should I try first? To be honest all I want to do right now is have enough money to put on my oyster card! Were continuously told to aim high, dream big, but no one ever teaches you how to get there, or what your first step should be. What if you don’t have big dreams? What if you don’t know how to dream? Sooo many questions… I assume I’m not alone… in fact I hope I’m not alone. 

Maybe this is what being in your twenties is all about, being unsure, working out the world and finding your place in it. I’ve been used to someone telling me where I’m meant to be and what I’m meant to be doing but now I’m responsible for me and my future. Why did no one warn me of how this would feel? Freedom is daunting, life sucks when you’re bored, being in your twenties isn’t always fun… I’m prone to mini-break downs and may experience one every 45 minutes. on the plus side I’m really enjoying Orange is the new black 🙂

 

Thanks for letting me vent 🙂

doing life with chi xxx

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