shes-angry-happy-scared-confused

 

So I’ve decided to take on the blog 101 challenge to write freely for twenty minutes and see what I end up with, if this post does reach the world I’m apologising now for the stream of disconnected thoughts that may appear on this post.

If I was to describe in three words my current state of mind it would be , Lost, Bored and Frustrated. No one warns you of the emotional roller coaster you’ll be forced to get on after graduating, I sound like I left university a year ago but its only been about 3 weeks. My sense of time has been distorted, this is the result of spending 4 days in your two bedroom flat watching hours and hours of popular american tv series. My mind feels numb but at the same time my thoughts are racing towards the future, whilst questioning everything in the  present  I have never in my life felt so unstable. Growing up there has always been a fixed next step, but now there is nothing fixed. “The world is your oyster”, “your destiny is your hands”, “There is ample opportunity for someone who is your age”, “Your twenties are the best years of your life”!!! Well to be honest being twenty right now sucks… I’m not used to all this so called freedom- its giving me a headache 😦 .

I don’t know what career is best for  me, I don’t know how to get into said career, what job should I try first? To be honest all I want to do right now is have enough money to put on my oyster card! Were continuously told to aim high, dream big, but no one ever teaches you how to get there, or what your first step should be. What if you don’t have big dreams? What if you don’t know how to dream? Sooo many questions… I assume I’m not alone… in fact I hope I’m not alone. 

Maybe this is what being in your twenties is all about, being unsure, working out the world and finding your place in it. I’ve been used to someone telling me where I’m meant to be and what I’m meant to be doing but now I’m responsible for me and my future. Why did no one warn me of how this would feel? Freedom is daunting, life sucks when you’re bored, being in your twenties isn’t always fun… I’m prone to mini-break downs and may experience one every 45 minutes. on the plus side I’m really enjoying Orange is the new black 🙂

 

Thanks for letting me vent 🙂

doing life with chi xxx

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