Life is tough

Life is hard

Life makes you smile

it can also make you cry

but its the journeys that make us who we are.

(And What!!! I’m a bloody poet don’t hate :P).

Recently peeps, life has thrown a lot of poo in my face not literally how ever hilarious that imagery could be! It’s just been hard, I know it’s not just me who feels Le struggle we all have our trials — some more than others. I always aim to  come on here trying to write empowering paragraphs and uplifting verses but sometimes it’s not so easy to take that route. We all need to vent in some shape or  form or an epidemic of imploding Homo sapiens will incur. This is  not a woe is me situation or a pity party it’s just me being open enough with you to share an honest journey through parts of my life. If we can’t be honest with how we are feeling then how can we truly be living?

There is always something waiting to take the wind from underneath you, someone waiting to steal your joy or a circumstance that is just unexplainable and it leaves you feeling lost. Everybody from the richest to the poorest is constantly looking for a way of life or another human being to take you out of the hole in which life puts you in sometimes. I’m generally a very positive, happy-go-lucky idealist who would love to live in a romcom or fairytale setting but reality doesn’t allow it! Hahaha… Reality sucks!! I completely get why people may use happy pills, snort fairy dust and hang out with Mary Jane every now and then… simply to take a rest from the constant upward struggle the real world can be. (Disclaimer before any haters or just general annoying people wanna say something… I am not encouraging  recreational drug abuse. People make choices and that’s them!) Most People use drink to do the same anyway but judgement isn’t passed on them so harshly… just saying!

Anyways, as a generation that claims to be the most social and has generally accepted the fact that racism, sexism and homophobia is bullshit! We spend an awful lot of our time not actually interacting – we’re always busy pretending to talk on whatsapp and snapping pics of our dinner that we’ve lost the art of real communication and formed ourselves an app based reality.What I’m getting at here is that all of us use some sort of tool to give us a break from the crap, from the noise, the confusion basically to leave the mess and find a place where problems don’t exist.

However I’ve been learning that the best instagram filter, the buzz you experience or that amazing night out you had last weekend doesn’t last and reality will ALWAYS hit you like the hangover/ comedown from hell! It just never lasts and none of us want to end up an addict. I’ve been there done that being a temple run addict just takes everything from you and leaves you a lonely mess 😀

THE TRIP:

“I’m just sooooo buzzing”

“oi mate I’m off my tit..”

“ohhmmeguurd I’m pissed”

“this filter makes me look like a puff ting :0”

“let me just go on asos…”

“I’m gonna get to level 12 on flappy bird, come watch me slay these pipes”

“This is THE BEST NIGHT EVER!!!!..screams”

In what ever shape or form you trip in don’t fool yourself that you aren’t in the most gassed head space. Such a level of confidence is expressed, you think you capable of anything… from pulling a hottie to creating a 10 year career plan. No one can tell you anything, Bitch don’t kill my vibe comes to mind. If anyone tries to kill that hype and bring you down you move away. No one can tell you anything, you feel happier, more confident, have better laughs, you like what you look like and enjoy your own thoughts. People start listening to each other in smoking areas, people like my Instagram posts, I’ve got ten new followers on twitter. Whatever it is  life seems legit awesome and you’re unstoppable. Of course we want to feel high on life all the time anyone who says they wouldn’t is a fake.

THE SIDE EFFECTS:

” Oi mate look at that dirty gurn”

” I think I may throw up… In fact I have just mini sicked”

“Brilliant Dan just got kicked out for trying to fight the bloke in the dress”

“I’ll only spend £40.. it’ll be fine”

“I’m just gonna tweet it… I’m brave enough to @ them n all”

“Got 15 likes, let me add two more hashtags to get to 30”

The high is still about, confidence level are still high. Been rejected by 5 girls/guys but you’re not phased, seen a few items you like faved a few sick pieces, danced all night makeup is sweated off – spilt beer on your white tee. But it’s still good. Your willing to ignore all the side effects to keep having  a good time, no matter what the state of your account  in the morning, whatever your face looks like the next day, waking up next to a person way below your standards and even if you get one more like it’ll be worth exposing yourself to the world. You just don’t care because it hasn’t happened yet, why kill the hype for consequences and isn’t that what living in the moment is all about? #yolo #onlygodcanjudgeme #imjustgonnahashtaghowsickiam

THE HANGOVER:

“I’m NEVER drinking again”

“How bloody dare he comment that?”

” I feel Like death”

“I hate my life”

“UGGgghhh…I feel so ugly/fat”

“I have no money for the rest of the month, rent? bills? car?”

“I’m lonely”

ooooooooooohhh here it is again reality! Slapping me up! regretting that dead kebab! feeling sick. meeeeh this headache will be the end of me. no one loves me. I’m back to square one but his time £100 down. Monday is here and I’m not any better, life is still wank!

( Obviously Next Weekend…. this happens all over again!!)

We would never like to look in the mirror and admit that I am an addict, because the connotations of that label are that were not in control of our emotions or behaviours. we don’t like to admit that we are  dependent on anything or anyone to make ourselves feel better. We want to be our own superheroes and it’s always just a bit of fun. However, I think were all kidding ourselves in some way shape or form (excuse my really stereotypical examples earlier) we deny that we are chasing “highs” but really that’s the only way most of us know how to cope with our lives.

If we didn’t have those releases what else would we do to cope? How would we find anyone to turn to? How would we feel less alone or insane? I’m not preaching as I’m Honestly in the same struggle as most of us are out there. We all want to make things better for ourselves but the first place we try to make it better 9 times out of 10 leaves us worse off. We chase the temporary conditional forms of happiness and when we come crashing back down our real worlds feel a lot lower and crapper. It sounds all very dramatic and deep but honestly we crave the drama, we want to live in extremes of emotions. When were down the world feels like its ending but when were high on life nothing can touch us. We read inspiring quotes to make sense of our intent and behaviours, we crave the attention of our friends and followers to get an opinion of our every thought,choice, meal and outfit. We want our plans to happen when we want and we hate waiting for anything. We want to have control of area of our lives and predict where we will end up yet we regularly are losing control and just trying to cope with our day-to-day.

I’m not trying to say that partying is terrible and we should never shop online or restrain from  posting a banging pic on insta, but I’m trying to draw attention to the fact that when we use these things consciously or subconsciously to cope with the harder things in life we distort their purposes. I love a party, like a drink too and asos is a place where some dreams are made loool but I’m learning that these don’t fulfil the things missing in my life. Who I am and what I’m going through cannot be defined by what I wear or what I’m posting on my apps… the drinks I drink and how often I go out won’t help me to understand where I’m going wrong in my life or help me deal with the situations that await me at home. However I do know that meeting people in pubs and bars create amazing stories and help me make amazing friends, Asos will forever sell clothes that I really want but don’t need and these are thing I enjoy to do but I won’t find a real fulfilment in chasing the latest trends or by  trying to get as spangled as possible to try to keep up with the heavyweights. I’m trying to find the healthy balance, and during these harder times as much as I hope to find joy and happiness in these places it won’t ever happen. It’s a momentary bliss that most of the time has consequences but lasting joy and peace aren’t found there.

There must be a happy medium, staying on a false high won’t solve any real issues and the temporary happiness isn’t grounded in anything real or lasting. Spending days dwelling on how hard your life is or how terrible a situation is, is as useless. Chasing highs to cope with reality is a waste of energy and money – which could eventually steal your purpose.   Life is meant to be lived, enduring the hardships, treasuring the highs, learning to get through each hour and accepting that we have little control over our days, weeks, years. Going through this period in life has taught me that everything can change in an instant, nothing is set, but there is always hope.

If I allow myself to be taken under by the waves of life and dwell in them i’ll definitley miss the daily highs that there are bound to be. I am also learning that taking the best parts of the highs and using them in the lows builds sustaining joy. If we took the level of confidence, the “I don’t care what anyone else thinks” attitude in our day-to-day I’m sure we would be happier. There are obviously limits to this confidence and arrogance are two separate things, but through adopting the attitude we have whilst living in the highs in our everyday struggles wouldn’t we be that lil bit happier. It’s obviously not a solution but a theory i’ll try to use in my life, with the help of friends, family and God. I’m sure we can all find the balance, plus I don’t think I could enjoy things as much without a glass of wine.

Thanks for doing life with chi

xxx

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